Babies. A word I was so scared to talk about for so long. It was actually a joke for the majority of my adulthood. Something I never thought I’d get real excited about. I have known so many dear friends who dreamed of becoming mothers for so long and were so overjoyed when they finally got the opportunity. I was always happy for them but didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. I was never the girl in high school that wanted to babysit. I did occasionally but was always watching the clock and counting the minutes until the parents returned so I could move on to something much more exciting.
So now, at age 31, babies… What a difference a decade makes. What a difference a man makes. What a difference life with a baby makes. This tiny little girl of mine enlightens me to my ignorance, my fatigue, my love, my happiness, my curiosity, my instincts, my life. She makes me want to be a better person. She is the reason I wake up happy each morning to her beautiful, perfect smiling face. I never knew one person could literally be your everything. I have never known love like this.
I know other mothers know exactly what I’m feeling and I am excited for my friends that are future mothers for they have such joy in store for them when that chapter of their life opens. I always pitied pregnant women thinking about how they had to ‘get that baby out of them’. Now, I feel that birth is the most transforming process in the human race. There is nothing like it. I used to feel badly for my mommy friends when I wasn’t a mommy that they couldn’t come out with me or travel as carefree as I could or whatever else I thought they were missing out on. Little did I know that *I* was the one missing out!
In saying all of that, I do feel that people should not enter parenthood until they are ready. I thought I wasn’t ready but it turns out, this little girl has rescued me from all of the stupid things that I thought were so important in life. And she has shown me what is truly important in life. Each day, I do my best to see the world the way she sees it. She does not know anger, sadness, pain, war, loss, murder, evil, violence, dishonesty, hunger, or even lonliness. She is happy, nourished, healthy, loved, content with what she has, peaceful, and innocent. She is perfect. As we age and learn of all the ‘bad’ things in the world, we lose our innocence. We make bad decisions that we regret later. We treat people badly, even if we don’t mean to. Sometiems we are violent, physically or verbally. As I navigate this new territory called motherhood, I am trying desperately to steal some of baby girl’s innocence for my own soul. Or at least follow her lead as she grows. Nobody ever told me how much your CHILD teaches YOU.