To Write

Today I just feel like writing. My whole life I’ve turned to writing for various reasons, but usually when I want to ‘talk’ to someone who I KNOW is going to listen. Or to just get something out I am harboring. That’s why I started this blog…to just write. And today is a writing kind of day.

Baby girl is playing on the floor with her toys, making up imaginative stories of what her toys are doing in her sweet, tiny mind. I will admit, she is distracting from pretty much everything, even writing. Her cuteness is overwhelming and sometimes I lose my train of thought due to staring at her and watching what she is doing. Right now, she is ripping her socks off her feet – hates them – and is waving them around ‘directing’ the French music that I am playing on Pandora. It’s a beautiful afternoon in Texas…50 degrees, mild wind and sunshine. My favorite kind of weather. Enough for a jacket and scarf with the certainty that it will get much colder when the sun goes to sleep to ensure you will need to build a roaring fire. Mmmmm…with hot chocolate.

My thoughts today are on marriage. Reading Webster, I personally like the second given definition: A relationship between married people or the period for which it lasts. The last part lingers with me….”or the period for which it lasts.” Is Webster assuming all marriages will end at some point? Is it in reference to divorce..? Or death? If you look at our culture’s statistics, we suck at staying married. I am a contributing factor to those statistics.

There was a time when I would have added an “unfortunately” after that last sentence but now I think it needs nothing. Although it was a horrific and tragic experience I would not wish upon anyone, I learned a great deal from it that I think about and apply on a daily basis. Now, on year #2 of marriage #2, I look at marriage with a completely different set of eyes….eyes with more wisdom, knowledge and experience under their…retina? Ha. Whatever. I, in no way, consider myself an expert on marriage – FAR from it, actually. It still puzzles me. It still amazes me. BUT I am thankful for getting a “do-over” and using what I learned the first time. And for the man that married me.

Couples that have only been married (once) to each other for many years have learned so much more than those of us that haven’t. They have been through the obstacles of life together, good and bad, and have figured out how to continue to choose to love each other. We all know they have days they want to leave, or kill their spouse, but they don’t. They choose not to. They make the effort, put in the time and the work and figure it out. We all know it isn’t easy. There is no “happily ever after” for those of us that live outside of Disneyland. That prince isn’t always a prince. That princess isn’t always a princess. There is not always a dramatic rescue where good perseveres over evil. And if there is, it’s short-lived. Life comes along. And sometimes life is hard. And hard to get past.

For me, I want a “notebook kind of love” as I call it. Referring to ‘The Notebook”- a book by Nicholas Sparks that was turned into a movie. For me, I want a love that is something you cannot live without. A drops-you-on-your-knees kind of love. A love that makes you want to cry because there is so much emotion Between the two of us. A love you choose every. single. day. No matter what. If you can swing that kind of love along with a best friend kind of love, then you have really found something to hang onto. You have hit the marriage jackpot, my friend.

Relationships, in general, are work. And marriage is it’s own crazy beast. The running joke is all the people that haven’t married are the smart ones… I am not so sure. Marriage is certainly not for everyone but for some, it’s everything. For me, I want to grow old with someone, sit on a porch swing holding hands when we are 90 watching our grandkids – maybe even great-grandkids, if we’re lucky! While humans are not naturally monogamous, I do believe the rewards of building a life with another person, creating a family and then watching them grow and do the same are unmatched in this world.

For all you married readers, I commend you for taking the risky plunge of pledging your life to someone. Forever. For all you divorced readers, I admire your courage and strength in the face of something you never thought you’d face. I didn’t. And it was harder than I ever dreamed it would be. For all you single readers, I have days that I am jealous of your ‘freedom’ and lifestyle. But I am sure you could say the same of me…that grass always is greener, right?

There really is no point to this post other than to muse and ponder over the institution of marriage. It is the craziest thing I have ever experienced….other than motherhood. Motherhood tops all.

And there will be a post on motherhood in the near future…it’s only fitting and fair.

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